oh xmas tree, oh xmas tree

N brought an xmas tree home yesterday. We've never had a tree before as we've never really had the space, we still don't. I guess a co worker's grandma owns an xmas tree farm and brought a bunch in to work, so N grabbed one. We borrowed a tree stand and today I went out to buy all the trimmings.

I must admit, I'm glad we have it. I haven't really been feeling in the xmas spirit this year for some reason. It seemed to come very fast this year. I'm done all my shopping, but it felt empty walking through malls and department stores. I think part of the problem was that we didn't have anything here at home to make it seem all xmassy. Now we've got a lit up tree. I feel somewhat better.

I must admit that I hate the process of xmas shopping. I generally start pretty early cause I hate shopping in crowded stores, walking behind some slow ass people and not being able to pass cause the damn place is packed to the tits with human flesh. I hate it.

The consumerism and eventual waste that is the aftermath of xmas makes me depressed. I bought recycled reusable cloth gift bags this year, so I don't have to use much wrapping paper.
I'm not saying I'm not part of the consumer bloodbath, but I'm conscious of it, and try to reduce my participation in it.

Next year I might try something different for xmas. Go completely green or give donations to great organizations in everyone's name.

handsome furs

They totally rocked out last night. I hadn't really listened to them before and went because N likes them. We have the same taste in music so I didn't have any doubts that I would enjoy them, and I liked not knowing what to expect. They were effing amazing!! They were both so into what they were doing, it was just as enjoyable to watch them do their thing as it was to listen to them. We might go to see them again tomorrow night in another city.

The only thing that detracted from my complete and utter enjoyment of the show were these 3 middle aged men, all taller than most of the crowd, with typical middle aged spread around the middle. They were wearing leather jackets and looked stereotypically like mafia. They stood out like sore thumbs right in the middle of the crowd. Sure, they could have been fans, but they all seemed quite disinterested, never clapped when a song finished and were talking to each other alot and texting on their phones. One of the dudes looked like he was trying hard to fight falling asleep (which is mind boggling, since the show was so fucking loud!). He eventually left his partners. Every time the one guy raised his beer to his mouth it was hard not to notice the giant pinky ring. Who wears a pinky ring? It just seemed too weird to me, then my imagination took over. I had images of these guys carrying out a hit during the loud parts of the show, or opening fire on the crowd. I made eye contact way too many times and I'm sure they thought something was wrong with me. Ah well, I just hope they're not at the show tomorrow night. :D

The Handsome Furs rocked me last night.

child sponsorship through world vision

I am, as of today, the proud foster parent of 5 year old Everline Alupo of Uganda.

I was walking through the mall, finishing up my xmas shopping. I was approaching the World Vision booth that was set up in the corridor and as I was passing I made very brief eye contact with the older woman manning the booth. I stopped dead in my tracks just beyond the booth then turned and went back. The woman was absolutely ecstatic that I was interested. She told me how the program works and how rewarding it is. Then I looked through the pictures and read the stories of the children. It's hard to look at those faces and not be able to help them all. I decided that I wanted to sponsor a child from Africa, then I saw her little face peeking out from the back row of photo cards that were standing on the table, I picked up the card, she was the one. She is from a community that has been ravaged by AIDS, she is not infected. Her father is dead and her mother has no regular work and has to seek out work wherever she can. My sponsorship will provide not only for her but for her family and her community.

I originally thought that it would be a perfect gift for my mom, as she's always wanted to sponsor a child. It's $40 per month and I wasn't sure if my mom would appreciate receiving a gift that comes with a bill every month without having consulted her first. So, I decided that I would sponsor a child of my own and ask her if she'd like to pay half the monthly fee. If not, that's OK. I'm happy that I went back to the World Vision booth. I'm looking forward to seeing Everline grow up.

grievance grief

So, I might be filing a grievance with my union about some bullshit that happened at work. I've never had to do anything like this before, I've never been in a union. I'm quite nervous about doing it. I'm pretty sure that I dont want to go back to the job, but I'm afraid that after filing a grievance I won't be able to get a reference from my supervisor, and this job looks good on my resume. I feel sick to my stomach.

cars and crying

A song came on in the car on my way home from work and I cried. It was a Sarah Harmer song about dying. I think I was just in one of those moods. There's another one by her that always makes tear up. It's about a dog buried in the yard and the memories. Gets me every time. I seem to always be in the car listening to her cd when the tears start flowing. In the car is one of the only times of day that I'm truly alone and can just go with it when it hits me. I don't mind.

my mission

For the last year or so I've been on a mission to de-chemicalize our lives. I started with getting rid of all of the household chemical cleaners. I've since replaced them with homemade cleaners, or store bought green cleaning products, mostly the former though. We've switched to stainless steel cookware, eliminated all teflon/nonstick surfaces. We no longer use conventional laundry detergent. I tried making my own, but the clothes always came out very stiff and scratchy, so I buy a soy detergent, and so far it's nice. I've been using a natural deodorant for years, I'm not a stinker though, so it works for me. We've started using natural shampoo and conditioner, as well as facial cleansing products, hand soap and toothpaste. I've found it quite rewarding to elimate one by one, the things in our household environment that are harmful to our health. My goal is to one day live in a completely non toxic house. It's hard to achieve that living in a high rise apartment, with chemical carpeting, chemical paints and odours floating into our apartment from god knows where. Not to mention the huge ant infestation that they can't seem to get a handle on, so our apartment gets a good dose of pesticide every now and then. I can't wait to move.

I've become quite interested in natural building materials. When N and I are more established financially (soon I hope), our dream is to buy a small piece of rural property with a woodlot and build a straw bale house. Just thinking about it makes me all tingly and excited. I've got this house pictured in my mind, two stories, maybe a loft, open concept, exposed wooden beams, 3 or 4 bedrooms, beautiful curving walls with deep set windows perfect for the cats to curl up in. Composting toilets, maybe a solar panel or two on the roof. A garden in the yard, maybe a fruit tree or two. We would harvest the beams for our house from our woodlot. Gawd I can't wait.

Who knows when any of this will happen, but it makes me happy to do all the planning in my head. :)

i'm all alone

I'm at my parents' place back in my hometown, my husband, N, is playing poker with friends in our current town. I came to do some xmas baking with my mom and grandma. I like visiting my hometown, it gives me these great feelings of nostalgia, but at the same time I feel a bit sad. That part of my life is over, the people I knew have moved on, the places I used to go to have changed. Some of my friends still live in the area, but they've started families and don't really have as much time for socializing.

So tonight, my parents are at a friend's house, my siblings live in different cities with their significant others, my husband is at home, my best friend is at her daughter's hockey game then off to some other engagement. Did I mention I have a nasty cold and no one wants to come near me? Anyways, I'm feeling a bit lonely, sitting here in my old bedroom that has been converted into a home office, now that's depressing.

This weekend is not unfurling like I had originally planned. I was supposed to spend tonight bonding with my parents sans N, then spend tomorrow baking with my grandma (she cancelled to hang out with my uncle). I still get to bake with my mom though, that'll be nice.

Now I'll stop complaining.